just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize