2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
