Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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