I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
