from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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