I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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