I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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