Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We have started to decorate penises.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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