I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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