just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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