It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
