exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
