i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
