my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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