You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
