it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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