That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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