What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
