i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
