The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My first STD was from a foam party
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
