it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
