they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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