he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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