I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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