when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
