hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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