the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
