"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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