also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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