Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
