I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
