I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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