So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
