Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
