Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
