i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
