Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
