I love having hate sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we're so committed to being not committed
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