omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
