I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
