# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Holy shit dude........stairs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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