4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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