I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
