Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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