Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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