I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
