I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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