You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
did i just pee glitter
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
