Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize