I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
