They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she smelled like a LAN party
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
