I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
