Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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