she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
