There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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