I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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