I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
