I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
