Cold hands, warm shart.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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