Don't you send me to vm
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
