Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
