butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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