the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
