Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
