one might say we're banned from that church
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize