Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
