I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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