Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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