rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
