i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
