Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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