remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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