Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this hospital has no fireball
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
