i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
