I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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