I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
