About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
