Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
