hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
