got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
