Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
