She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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