3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
