eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I deserve this hangover.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
