dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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