Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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