I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
