omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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