We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
