Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize