this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
