I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
