i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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