the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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