she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
