I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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