i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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