You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize