I think my vagina is haunted
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
