I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
