your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
