Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't deserve a penis
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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