hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
