I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
