I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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