apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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