Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
