listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
