You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
